I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
