he thought i was a dude.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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