I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
