Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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