My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
