You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Randomize
