Umm I'm too high to move.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Randomize
