Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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