I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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