You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
