how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
