Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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