Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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