The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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