its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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