All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This is the high leading the old right now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
