Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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