I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
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It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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