Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
