Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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