I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
