from now on my penis is your penis
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
