her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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