which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
