I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
