For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
