I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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