very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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