12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
