He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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