One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
