So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
