We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
