Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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