I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
