Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
