Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ambien. No doubt about it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
