I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
