In the future we'll all be gay
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
