Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
