I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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