i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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