I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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