spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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