using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
