yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
