I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
