Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
