your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
