Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
