i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
