Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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