i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
