I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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