FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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