kristin has been a bad kristin
either way he was missing a nipple.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
