I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
its not stalking. its research.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
