Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
