I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
