you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
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