i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
