HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize