even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
