Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
